Holiday shopping had become all too easy. At any given moment, I was one click and two days away from having all our gifts stacked on my front porch in a nice, neat pile of brown boxes. I didn’t have to leave the house. I could wait until the last minute. I didn’t even have to think about the other person due to digital wish lists available on demand.

Gift-giving had evolved from a much-loved experience to just another item on my to-do list. That is, until last Christmas. Realizing that my heart had become disengaged from giving, I began to wonder:

• What are we losing in lieu of convenience and economy?

• What impact does on-demand shopping have on our hearts?

• Have we lost the art of giving well?

I wrestled with these questions. And in many ways, I’m still wrestling—the warm, sultry breath of consumerism and greed heavy on the back of my neck.

But here’s what I know for sure: My dependence on one-click shopping not only robbed me of joy, but also removed the relational component out of the gift-giving experience. My head and my heart needed to get back into the game, so I made a few key changes. And do you now what happened? Last Christmas became one of my favorite gift-giving years since childhood. By adding intentionality and humanity back into the mix, my joy returned.

These simple changes birthed in me a new giving philosophy and a determination to re-learn how to give well. Some of that education is still in process, but I have developed a good foundation—a few simple give-well guidelines that any of us can follow.

1. Slow down and enjoy the process.

Waiting until the last minute never fosters joy. Instead, we end up frantic, grasping, and anxious over whether we will find the right gift at the right price to arrive at the right time. By starting early, we allow ourselves time to let gift-buying and gift-giving beautify the season.

2. Choose gifts that impart value.

Several years ago, my husband Ben came home from work and set a package of new, white athletic socks on the kitchen table. The socks were for me. Replacements for the sad, saggy, hole-filled numbers I had been trying (and failing) to make last a little longer. The moment I saw the socks, I burst into tears—which, of course, made my husband freeze on the spot. Thinking he had done something wrong, I explained, “No no! You saw my need. I feel so loved.”

Are socks the secret to a woman’s heart? No, not likely. But do you know what is? Being seen, known, and loved. These socks conveyed my value because Ben had seen my need, knew the socks I’d like, and made an unprovoked effort to get them for me.

Everyone wants to be seen and known, and gift-giving is an opportunity for us to make others feel loved. It’s a chance to impart value, to say, “Hey! I thought of you. You were on my mind, and I want you to know I care.” Even if you have to do a little extra Instagram stalking or invoke some wizard-like magic, take time to get to know the person.

3. Embrace generosity.

If you’re like us, Christmas budgets change year to year. But no matter how much we can or cannot afford to spend on gifts, we can choose to have a giving spirit. Generosity isn’t about a bottom line, but a condition of the heart. We can choose to give freely out of what we have, or to fall prey to a scarcity mentality, looking for ways to get more than we give.

4. Maximize our giving dollars.

Economy has a price tag. And while I’m not advocating for complete abandonment of big business, I think we would do well to start small. By slowing down our gift-buying process, we can think about the person on the other side of that dollar. We can maximize and multiply the impact by choosing carefully WHERE we shop.

For me, that means shopping first at small, local businesses or purchasing online gifts through charitable businesses, social enterprises, or nonprofits—all products with a purpose. That way, not only do I end up with a quality gift that conveys value, but I’m also multiplying that value through the businesses I’m supporting.

Confession: I don’t have “giving well” all figured out. I’m no professional fair-trade shopper, and I’m not ready to cut ties with Amazon Prime (not that I’m advocating that…I have a book in that marketplace, after all). But what I am championing this holiday season is intentional movement toward new ways of giving well and finding joy in the process.

That first step toward giving well might look different for all of us. But in the name of joy, generosity, and love, won’t you take it with me?

feature image: Kira auf der Heide (@hadh) via unsplash